>> Leaping from that security to actually meeting someone is not a step
>> a great deal of people want to do even for friendly get-togethers
>
I find this to be the most unfortunate aspect of the internet. When we become a society that lives in fear of meeting each other face to face, there is something lost.

Perhaps it is the place... perhaps it is the people. I have visited your profile more than once... your photos show a woman with a spirit that is bold and yet with an innocent playfulness. Also, while I don't always agree with your blog entries, I find them thoughtful and challenging as I ponder them and consider where my ideas, thoughts, and beliefs lie.



>> for some reason accepting an invite to an instant messenger instantly
>> means I'm interested in THEM, not just mildly curious.
>
This is an unfortunate aspect of the internet... perhaps it is just an unfortunate aspect of our society.... "instant" and "yearning for intimacy"... I have a lady and we are quite happy together... however, there is so much in life that she and I want to share with friends. Camping trips... movie nights... dinners... just geting a group together to laugh and celebrate laughter, life, friendship.

You are right... such things begin with mild curiosity and may in time become friendship. As people find each other a community may begin to form where individuals can find support within the group. Where laughter spread and tears shared help each participate in good times and keep hardship from becoming overwhelming...

I know it's difficult to take that step... I'm just sad that some use sites like this one to prey on others. They keep the rest of us form reaching out and finding each other...

I don't hink you are as shy as you think. If you are a belly dancer and can perform in front of an audience (I saw your pictures) then you pretty far alone at curing your shyness. Dancing is my favorite hobby and I do your style and others so I know about live audiences. You may be shy one on one, but as you meet people and find out how much fun it is to have a conversation with someone with like interests then you will get better at it. I would encourage you to contine to be wary of people you meet online. There are just too many strange and weird people out there (Craigslist problems). If you meet the person bring along your friends and go to a public place.

>> It takes effort to get to know strangers and I sometimes feel that people
>> just don't want to put in the time. I notice when I look around coffee shops
>> and such gathering places, everyone is on their laptop, blackberry or cell.
>> Makes it hard to start a conversation with.
>
I agree with this... I think that this is typified by twitter which limits one's comments to 140 characters. It seems that we have become a society of sound bites in which no one wants to know the details of another's life. I think someone once told me " we no longer drink deeply of each other... we just gargle."


>> I definitely agree that men have the toughest time because women immediately
>> are wary that there are ulterior motives. And let's face it, there are a lot of men
>> who have ruined it for other men with their poor behavior.
>
I agree on both points here... I have been astonished and mortified at some of the ways my "fellow brethren" have behaved; attempting to manipulate women to get what they wanted with seemingly little regard or respect the feelings of the women. I have witnessed this and understand why I am regarded with such suspicion when I attempt to start up a conversation with a woman, but it makes me sad that wanting to get to know another is greeted with such wariness. All we really have in the world is each other and we should cherish each other rather than treating each other this way...


>> Nonetheless it is possible - that's how I met my husband. I was in a Starbucks
>> writing away on my laptap and how asked me what I was writing. I didn't feel
>> threatened because we were talking about a neutral subject. We ended up
>> talking for 5 hrs that day and 6 weeks later we were married. What if he hadn't
>> talked to me that day or I hadn't answered him? A wonderful relationship would
>> have passed me by.
>
I agree... It should be the same for making acquaintances and friends as well.


>> I think getting to know strangers is one of the best ways to make life more
>> meaningful & interesting. I certainly have enjoyed reading posts on this tribe
>> and feel as if I know many of you as friends- at least as well as cyber space
>> allows that...
>
I agree here also... I just think it's unfortunate when cyberspace begins to take the place of the real world. We are individuals of 5 senses which means that so much of what we experience in a relationship, whether it be with a lover or a friend, is lost when we cannot see them ... cannot reach out and touch them ... cannot hug each other in times of joy or hardship. It seems such a sad state of affairs...

>> Well, ya that is quite true, people are too busy to look for friends..
>
I agree, people seem to be too busy these days and that's too bad... friendships take time and people don't seem to want to spend their time this way these days.


>> For example, i always look for new friends, but what's the
>> difference between a person u meet and share topics , a friend
>> and a true friend? There have to be a difference !
>>
>> U can't call someone u've just meet for one week a friend..
>

I agree... there is a significant difference. It takes time to call someone a true friend. People begin as strangers who meet and become acquaintances; friendship is something that develops over time. This seems to be too much of an investment for lots of people these days.


>> For example , i can be a "friend" , this means to give u some
>> of my time to chat, to share our lives, to start to get each other
>> well and so on...
>> But we will consider each other as real friends when we'll face
>> the reality
>
I completely agree. a friend is someone who had earned one's deep trust and been there for someone through good, as well as difficult, times.


>> ...there is always something which may annoy people on real
>> life about us and maybe we can't share it here, on internet...cos
>> u want people to find u nice and pefect for a fake friendship?
>
I agree here too... One can remake themselves on the internet into whatever ones wants to be; one can always logoff the internet and that is the end of the internet world. Friendship is always there and requires that those involved find a way to accept each other for who they really are.

You show a lot of wisdom... :-)

SF